Satisfyer Pro Penguin Review

Satisfyer Penguin

There are going to be some of you, who will hate the looks of this toy. I know many people who almost find the color pink offensive to their feminism. I’m the kind of feminist that’s comfortable enough with embracing their feminine side, and having pink objects in my possession is far from threatening to my activism or self expression. At the same time, I’d like to acknowledge that many people with vulvas might not feel feminine and might genuinely avoid pink or fuchsia toys. So I am always kind of disappointed when toys don’t come in any other color option. At the same time I am really, really into how cute and simplistic the Satisfyer Penguin is.

The Satisfyer Pro Penguin is a toy many have been waiting for. It’s nominated for Best Powered Toy of the Year by Xbiz, as well as for Best Innovative Toy of the Year. The last one I find quite ironic, given that the Satisfyer allegedly stole the pulsation technology from the Womanizer. Anywho… After the huge success of the original Satisfyer Pro 2, the company released four new models almost simultaneously. I’ve already reviewed one of the battery operated models, the Satisfyer 2, and I’ve been extensively testing and comparing the toys. The biggest difference that the new models have, with the exception of the Satisfyer 1, is the shape of the nozzle. While the Satisfyer Pro 2 had a nozzle with a small opening, but very thick outer part, covering a larger area around the clitoris, three of the new models, including the Penguin don’t have that extra cushioning.

What is the Satisfyer?

Its’ a clitoral or nipple toy that uses a combination of pulsation and suction and is meant to be placed around the glans of the clitoris, or the nipple. It’s very gentle and subtle sensation, that on higher speed can become intense and powerful, but it’s very distinguishable from vibration. These toys also work great underwater. The closest way of describing it would be: it feels like someone performing really skillful cunnilingus on your clit.

What does the Penguin feature?

dscn3584The Penguin is a rechargeable waterproof toy, that’s made of silicone and ABS plastic. It comes in a nice box, sans a storage case, and features 11 speeds. While the 11 speed motor is a common feature of the other Satisfyers, the motors are all different for the different products (or at least, they feel different). While the Penguin is not as powerful as the original Satisfyer Pro 2, I think it’s as good an option, as the Pro 2. They’re just different, and I can’t necessarily rank one higher. The Penguin also has similar controls with the Pro 2 — one button for turning it on or off, and one for the speeds. Unfortunately the one button only circles through the speeds and cannot go back, unless you go to the highest setting, after which instead of going from 11 to 1, it starts slowing down: 11, 10, 9…. I find this really frustrating and annoying, because the speeds are so many that having to go all the way back from the start over can be exhausting. (Hence, my appreciation for the only model that has “+” and “-” controls.) It has a very comfortable to hold shape, the body of the toy is matte and totally non slippery, it’s lighter than the Pro 2 and is a little smaller, making it even even easier to take with you on a trip.

How is it different?

The Penguin comes at a slightly lower price-point. It lost the excessive noise of the motor and is now a much more discrete and non-distracting to use a toy. It’s slightly less powerful than the Pro 2, which I don’t mind, to be honest. The few highest programs of the Satisfyer Pro 2 were always a bit too much for me. The Penguin feels much more pinpoint and concentrated. It’s less overwhelming and is more gentle and nuanced.

The only thing to consider is the size of your clit and the size of the nozzle. While the opening of the nozzle is wider than the one of the original Satisfyer, the nozzle doesn’t have the additional patting covering a larger area. Which might make it unsuitable for people with larger clits, or ones who dislike too pinpoint stimulation.

Tips for using it

I am going to repeat most of the things I’ve already said about the other models. Add lube on your clit and vulva, as well as on the nozzle. Try combining wearing a butt plug, a vaginal egg or kegel balls while using the Satisfyer Pro Penguin, if you find clitoral stimulation unable to get you off alone. And definitely give it a spin underwater!

In conclusion

Satisfyer Pro PenguinThe Satisfyer Pro Penguin is a great gift for anyone who doesn’t already own a Satisfyer or a Womanizer. I would even recommend it to someone who wants to replace their older Satisfyer because of its noise levels. As with any other sex toy, there’s no guarantee it’s going to work for you or that you’re going to like it. But if you like receiving oral sex, or gentle clitoral stroking, chances are you might really like the Satisfyer Penguin. The positive reviews and feedback for these toys are far greater than the negative ones. The Satisfyer Penguin is probably one of the best models out of all. I love it’s shape, it’s matte material, its subtle pulsation. And the price of just $49 certainly doesn’t hurt either.

Disclaimer: The Satisfyer 2 was generously provided to me by Peepshowtoys in exchange for my honest review. My opinions and thoughts in this post reflect my experience with the product and are not altered in any way. I am using affiliate links in this post, which help me support this blog. By buying through them you’re giving me the opportunity to keep up the good work.

Peepshowtoys Wetlandia's Picks

My readers get 10% off from Peepshowtoys with code “WETLANDIA”!

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B-Vibe Novice Plug Review

B-Vibe Novice, Trio and Rimming Plugs

Sex bloggers and toy reviewers have weird (to the outside world) goals in life. Trying out all Sliquid lubricants and owning the whole range of Njoy stainless steel toys can often be seen on sex geeks’ bucket lists. So you might think that trying out all b-Vibe butt plugs was among my sex toy goals. Funnily, I wasn’t purposefully trying to achieve this, it happened just like that. I was really impressed with b-Vibe’s first two models and I purchased them right away, as they came out. I am a sex educator and blogger who’s really involved and close to the community, and I often attends professional events. I got my Rimming Plug in April, at a sexuality conference, and funnily enough b-Vibe was exhibiting again in August — at an entirely different sex-positive conference organized by the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Foundation. This time around they had just launched the Trio Plug.

I really like companies that are engaged in meeting toy reviewers, getting their feedback, who attend sexuality events, and have an actual physical presence. They’ve donated prizes for raffles that were raising funds for organizations, they run an anal sex expert advice blog on their website, and their marketing is really inclusive. Each of their products brings innovation to the table and they’re truly trying to normalize butt play and educate people on how to have pleasant enjoyable experiences. Needless to say, I had to get each of their products.

Anal pleasure, depression and I

b-vibe Novice PlugOne of the reasons I so passionately started reviewing anal toys and exploring more and more butt play in my partnered and solo sex, was because I was experiencing difficulties climaxing from genital play. I’ve been taking SSRIs, a class of antidepressants that’s highly effective and most commonly prescribed, but often makes people experience sexual side effects, some of which are: decreased libido, reduced sensation in the genitalia and anorgasmia. In other words, I couldn’t come the ways I would normally come before the pills – from vaginal intercourse and combined with clitoral vibration.

Anal sex and butt toys opened new doors to pleasure and different sensations for me, someone who thought knew their own sexuality and pleasure response. Anal play is now a really vital part of my sex life. And I wish more people gave it credit and acknowledged how strong and delightful pleasure from butt stuff can be.

When it comes to butt play and toys there’s a vicious circle. Often sex toy companies are trying to promote it and invite people to explore it, but there are rarely beginners’ friendly anal toys. That only reinforces the myth that anal play is only for hard-core kinksters, men who have sex with men or some sort of advanced sex freaks. It reinforces the taboo and makes people think that this isn’t something for them. That it isn’t something that the average person could and should explore.

Enter b-Vibe Novice. Finally a premium brand that acknowledges that people have different needs and released a super newbie friendly high-quality anal plug.

What does Novice have to offer?

The Novice shares all of the b-Vibe previous selling points, such as: super soft and nice to touch body-safe seamless silicone. A rechargeable battery and a magnetic charger that actually holds onto the toy really tight and never stops charging it, a battery life of at least an hours of play on maximum speed. Not to forget the key feature of the plug — a remote control, which works up to 30 ft away! Did I mention the cool storage case, that looks super swanky and hi-tech?The Novice plug has 6 vibration levels and 15 vibration patters, which can be controlled independently with the help of the remote. This makes the plug really versatile and allows it to bring novelty to your butt play even if you get used to its size. The remote makes things just easy. Instead of having to reach back, and try to figure out buttons, you can be focused on the sensation and browse through the speeds and patterns. But it also makes a great tool for power play and public play. If you like (or have fantasized about) going out while wearing a vibrating vaginal egg, but you’ve always wanted to try that same thing with a plug too, the Novice is your best pick.

The Novice is just really comfortable to wear and use for longer periods. It has a flexible neck and a really small base (significantly smaller than the base of the Trio plug). It only holds one motor, but it’s very strong and quiet for the size of the toy. When placed inside, the Novice is practically silent.

So how beginner friendly is it?

b-Vibe Novice

The Novice has a diameter of 1″ or 2.5 cm, and has an insertable portion of 3″. So far I’ve used the plug on two partners, one penis-owner, and one vagina-owner, both of which were complete newbies to anal play. While one has only had a finger in their ass once, the other hasn’t had any sort of anal penetration, even with a pinkie. And I can happily report that taking things slow, turning them on, using enough longer-lasting water-based lube, such as Sutil or Sliquid Sassy, worked like magic. They could take the entire plug and actually really enjoy it, completely pain free. You are absolutely encouraged to take your time and just take portions of the plug the first several times.

How are the three models different?

b-Vibe Plugs

The line now consists of a small, medium and large plugs. And each of them has something different to offer. The Novice has one motor, but features 6 speeds and 15 patters. The Trio has three motors with 8 speeds and 9 patters. And the Rimming plug has one vibrating motor and one rotating one — the beads in the neck, with 6 speeds and 6 patterns.

Tips for beginners anal play

b-Vibe Novice PlugHere are a couple of basic recommendations to follow and keep in mind when exploring butt play for the first time. You should always have plenty of time and not rush through it. Block off good two hours for the first time you want to do any backdoor experiments. Get yourself a good glycerin-free water based lube. Use plenty of it during the session. Start with things that you normally like and get sufficiently turned-on by. Maybe even have one orgasm before taking anything inside of your ass (especially good advice for vulva-owners). Breathe slowly and relax completely. Start with a massage on the butt cheeks and around the butt-hole. Then by pointing the butt plug with 45 degrees angle – facing slightly upwards or downwards, not completely straight into the anus, start slowly inserting the well-lubricated tip of the plug while inhaling. You can turn on the vibration if that feels good, or just use it without any vibration for the first couple of time, if you just want to relax and enjoy the penetration. Often combining the insertion of the plug with genital play can make things much more easy, but you can always add that after the plug is completely inserted.

Once the plug is inside, let it stay put (unless it’s really uncomfortable and you want to take it out right away). Continue playing and enjoying other things. You can have vaginal intercourse while wearing the plug, you can give and/or receive oral sex, or you can simply place a vibe on your clit, balls, genitalia. Always wear the plug for short periods of time for the first couple of times, and build up to longer and longer wear.

When you remove the plug, take things as slowly as you did when you put the plug inside. Exhale deeply and loudly as you remove it, this will relax the muscles in a way that will make the removal of the plug much easier and more comfortable.

Where to get it

b-Vibe PlugsThe Novice plug has just been released by b-Vibe and right now you can only order it from their website in black or fuchsia. The Novice will hit the stores in Jan most likely and you will be able to find it at Good Vibrations, Babeland, The Pleasure Chest, Shevibe and other stores. It sells for $130. Which is a lot, but if you compare it with a good clitoral vibrator by a premium brand, it actually makes a lot of sense. The price is similar to these products and in exchange you get a travel case, a remote control and 1 year warranty.

My readers can get 20% off of the Novice from b-Vibe until Jan 1st. Discount applies only for the product, not the shipping. Use code WETLAND 

Disclaimer: The Novice Plug was generously provided to me by b-Vibe in exchange for my honest review. My opinions and thoughts in this post reflect my experience with the product and are not altered in any way. I am using affiliate links in this post, which help me support this blog. By buying through them you’re giving me the opportunity to keep up the good work.

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Svakom Nova Kegel Balls Review

Svakom Nova Kegel Balls
I used to absolutely love the Svakom Nova Balls. Until I read the manual and went to their website. Then I felt so conflicted that I postponed writing this review for a while. Why was I so torn? Because I loved the product, I still respect the company in many ways, but I have to raise some issues with their marketing.

My Beef (to put it mildly) with their Marketing

I just can’t live in a world where this official product video exists. First sentence: “According to a research from the internet most men prefer a tight vagina over a loose one because tight vagina allows them to have better sexual experiences.” Okay, f*ck everyone from the marketing team who decided this was an appropriate way to market Kegel balls. Loose vagina shaming? And the reason why you should take care of your sloppy, undesirable loose vagina is solely for… male pleasure? Oh, no, no, no! This is just horrible. And from a company that’s trying to be feminist and is supposedly all about female pleasure?

Please, Svakom, take down or edit this video. And edit the copy on the website and the product manual. This is just bellow you.


Svakom Nova BallsEven the product manual and the website read “We designed these exercise courses especially to help those who have a loose vagina after giving birth.” There’s a number of ways to describe body changes that occur after childbirth without calling it a “loose vagina”. And there are a million other reasons to use Kegels, besides childbirth. Kegels are for everybody. There are Kegels programs for penis-owners, there are products like the Svakom Nova Balls for vagina owners. And they’re great for all ages and stages of life. Because everyone can benefit from exercising their PC muscles. And because keeping them toned makes women orgasm more easily, enjoy sex more, experience more pleasure during partnered or solo sex. There’s your marketing message. Even if you want to exploit the postpartum market, there are sex-positive messages Svakom can use instead. For instance:  “You are a parent now, but you still deserve pleasure and you are still a sexual creature. Do this for yourself.” Tapping into female fear of loose vagina and their partner leaving them for someone younger and tighter is just a cheap dirty trick.

The Company

Svakom Nova Kegel BallsThat’s strike one, but I am not going to tell you to never buy anything from Svakom. Because there are a number of good things about them (including the actual product that is so terrifyingly marketed). Svakom is an international sex toy company that sells primarily vibrating toys, all designed in the US, according to their website. All of their products are silicone and are body-safe, aesthetically pleasing and high-quality. They make a number of really well received products (such as Keri, Echo, Mini Emma), and actually try to bring innovation to the table. They’ve created a vibrator with a camera, so you can see inside your own or your partner’s vagina, they have vibrators that feature the most long-lasting batteries on the market and provide you with up to 48 (!!) hours of playtime, and they have a couple of warming up vibes, and that’s a category that I think shouldn’t be overlooked, since temperature often is key to arousal and blood flow.

What do Kegel balls do?

dscn3027Kegel balls, or Ben Wa balls are usually a set of two vaginal balls that help you do your Kegel exercises. These are a series of voluntary squeezes of your PC muscles (Pubococcygeus muscles). And since that’s a muscle group that’s really difficult to locate and exercise in everyday life, these balls were created to help you find the muscles and do your Kegels more easily. Yoni eggs or other vaginal eggs made of crystal serve the same purpose. But there are a number of added benefits to using a set of two balls, as well as using balls that are not uniformly made from just one material, such as glass, metal, stone or crystal.


Kegel balls made for medical purposes or by sex toy companies have a smaller ball inside a larger sphere. Which makes the balls jiggle every time you move, step, squat, dance or stretch. With the added factor of the weight of the ball and the force of gravity, that makes the balls want to slip out of you, but the slight jiggle makes you tighten up and squeeze your PC muscles every time that happens. Your reflexes would be to not let the balls slip out. So instead of counting and keeping track of your PC muscle workout, you just put them in, walk around or do some chores, while the balls do the rest for you. Another advantage of Kegel systems, such as Svakom Nova, is that these offer progressive weights and sizes, which will allow you to gradually make your Kegel routine more difficult with time.


The lighter the ball(s), the easier to hold in. The bigger the size of the ball(s), the easier to hold in. That’s why usually people start with a big light ball, then move towards two balls, and increase the weight while decreasing the size. Small and heavy balls are the most challenging .

What are the benefits of Kegel exercises (aka kegels)?

Svakom Nova Kegel Balls
Toning up your PC muscles will give you better bladder control, stronger vaginal muscles, better genital blood flow; it helps with arousal (especially if you do your kegels before sex), helps you experience more pleasure, achieve orgasms more easily, and even be able to have multiple orgasms. It can reduce pain during intercourse. Clearly these are great for postpartum recovery, but I think everyone can benefit from them, at any stage of life. I would recommend kegels to anyone who’s sexually active. They really help you learn about your own body, and reflect about what feels good. And all of these squeezes and “movements” you are going to learn while squeezing the balls are super fun to apply and use during intercourse.

The Product

Svakom Nova Kegel BallsSvakom Nova Balls come in three different colors: teal, violet and bright pink/red (the teal is just gorgeous). They’re a set of three exercise balls. They come in a beautiful stylish box, which includes a 1-year warranty, and a storage bag.  Nova balls are entirely covered in silicone, including the cord, which makes them seamless and very smooth. This is one of the reasons I think they’re one of the best Kegel programs currently on the market. They’re easy to clean and truly hygienic, as you don’t get vaginal fluids or lube between the  plastic and silicone parts or on the cord (which is the case with most other Kegel Balls), they’re really smooth and feel great during use and upon insertion. The balls do have the name of the brand engraved in the silicone, but if you wash them right after use no fluid get stuck in there.
  • The first one is a big single ball with a diameter of 1.41″ (36 mm). Just for your reference, that’s the diameter of the larger Luna Beads by Lelo. It weighs 49 grams or 1.73 oz.
  • The medium size has two balls connected together, with a slightly smaller diameter of 1.26″ (32 mm) and it’s 2.65 oz (75 grams) heavy.
  • The smallest and heaviest set of two balls is just 1.10″ (28 mm) in diameter (the size of Lelo Luna Beads Mini or Noir) and it weighs 3.35 oz (95 grams) which is much heavier than the Lelo Luna Beads (which weigh a mere 74 grams).
Svakom Nova

Svakom Nova Balls dimensions. Image credit: Svakom for Amazon.

How to use it?

Kegel balls are meant to be used while you are active. They won’t do much if you’re just sitting or lying down. Sure, you can still make some use of them, but then you will have to do your counts and voluntarily exercise. Ideally you should be wearing them while walking, running, dancing, swimming, doing squats or stretching. They’re entirely waterproof. The suggested use is 30 minutes a day. You start with the biggest and lightest ball and use that one for 30 days, and move to the more challenging one after a month.


I would suggest using a good quality water-based lube for insertion. Don’t overdo it with the lube because if things are too slippery it’s going to be extra challenging to keep the balls inside (which you can do later when you’ve mastered the heaviest ball to make things even more advanced). The easiest way to place them inside is lying down. If you are new to kegel balls, please do your first experiments at home where you can easily remove them, if needed. The last thing you want to happen is for you to be at the shopping mall or doing your workout at the gym and freak out that the balls are going to slip out. Wearing tight underwear and something that gives more support (panties instead of a g-string) and maybe wearing pants or tights, not a skirt or a dress, can make you feel more comfortable when you wear them in public, so even if they start slipping out, your underwear and clothes can keep them inside instead of rolling down the floor or the sidewalk.


Svakom Nova Kegel BallsBen Wa balls are super fun to use right before sex because they will get you really warmed up. You will have enough circulation in your genitals, and you will in generally feel more aroused (I personally feel really horny after my kegels). They’re something really hot for you to include in your foreplay or as a teasing tool. Let your partner know you’re wearing them during dinner. Have them lick the balls clean for you, after you’ve used them. Have them tease your clit or use an external vibrator while the balls are still in. You can wear them vaginally during anal intercourse. Or wear them during oral sex (both receiving or performing). The possibilities are endless. And if you’ve read Fifty Shades of Gray and if you’re wondering: yes, you could wear then while being spanked.

You can get the Svakom Nova Balls from LUVOQA for $59.

Disclaimer: Svakom Nova was generously provided to me by the company in exchange for my honest review. My opinions and thoughts in this post reflect my experience with the product and are not altered in any way. I am using affiliate links in this post, which help me support this blog. By buying through them you’re giving me the opportunity to keep up the good work.

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Sex Life After Divorce (Part 2)

sex after divorceEven though this article is called “sex life after divorce”, all of the ideas in it are applicable after separation, and after a break-up from a long-lasting relationship.

I think it’s safe to say that we’ve all been through some tough break-ups at some point in life. While these times can be truly testing, they provide us with a unique opportunity to reset and steer the wheels of life in a (possibly) completely different direction. We’ve covered the most important tips and first steps one should take in order to heal and move on after divorce in the first article on this topic. If you are ready for some swimming in the deep waters, here are some things you should consider.

Go far and beyond

  • Start exploring and trying out new things. I have always wanted to… Yeah, this sentence. All of us have a thing they’ve always wanted to try out and never got the chance to. Whether it was because you were ashamed of your fantasy or desire and didn’t want to share it with your ex, fearing you would be judged, or you just assumed they would never be up for actually trying it: now is you chance! There’s a whole world of sexual experiences waiting for you to dip your toes into. Maybe you’ve never had anal sex, maybe you’ve never used a vibrator, maybe you’ve never been tied up and blindfolded. Brainstorm! Don’t limit your imagination. You can start writing down all the sexual acts that sound appealing or sexy to you, but you’ve never had. Don’t censor or limit yourself while brainstorming. When you have a long list of things, you can start evaluating which ones you just like fantasizing about and which ones you might want to act on. Interested in the darker side? Check out 50 Shades of Kink: An Introduction to BDSM or The Seductive Art Of Japanese Bondage from Midori. Or you want to learn a thing or two about Tantra? Urban Tantra by Barbara Carrellas is your go-to guide.
  • Upgrade self pleasure techniques. Remember this one from Part 1? Yes, start masturbating. But also: change the way you masturbate. Maybe you need to add more lube in order to make things more enjoyable and less friction-y. Maybe you need to try out new positions. [Hint: sitting in a sofa or a lounge chair and having your body leaning slightly forward might feel a whole lot different and better than just lying flat on your back. For women: lying on your stomach adds extra pressure on your g-spot and can make self-satisfaction a whole lot easier.] Get a book or read a couple of articles on solo sex or gay sex for your gender. Maybe you never thought about it, but actually tips for queer sex are a great resource for masturbating because all of the moves are on your kind of “equipment” and you can usually apply them on yourself. Great books on the topic: Ultimate Guide to Solo Sex by Jenny Block or Girl Sex 101 by Allison Moon. The Ultimate Guide to Fellatio by Violet Blue has a really cool section on stroking the penis that can give you ideas on awesome ways to treat your cock.
  • Buy a new (or your first) sex toy. Chances are that if you were married or in a long-lasting committed relationship, whatever sex toy you own is waaaay dated. If your current sex toy is more than a few years old, you need to either toss it away immediately if it’s made of jelly or elastomers (if it’s silicone or plastic, you can keep it), or upgrade it if something better (or rechargeable) is available. Yes, vibrators don’t come with AAA batteries anymore. You plug them in an USB these days! If you are a woman, who’s never had a vibrator or a dildo, please, change this immediately. Most women can’t come from intercourse (is this a surprise to you?!) and need clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm. Even if you thought that you “can’t” come or it’s really difficult for you, that might change the minute a vibe sets foot on your clit. If you are a guy, you gotta try a masturbator or a stroker. Take a look at companies such as Tenga or Fleshlight. (And please use lube with your penetrable toys!) You can try out cock rings and masturbating while wearing one, or you can explore prostate orgasms on your own with some of the Aneros products. Have you heard of the Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure by Charlie Glickman?
  • Give porn a chance. Even if you have always thought that porn isn’t for you, that it’s shallow, superficial, or just cheesy, things have changed a lot in the last few years. There’s a ton of indie porn, soft-core porn, educational porn, kinky porn and even queer porn. You should be able to find something that best fits you, your aesthetic standards, your taste, and your desires. You’re not a visual person? Try reading some erotica. Rachel Kramer Bussel is a great author I can recommend.
  • Challenge your sexual orientation. Straight suburban wife? If you scratched the last two words from your description, why don’t you see if it’s time to get rid of the first one too? Most people are not entirely straight, nor gay: they’re somewhere on the Kinsey scale. Which means that most of us are at least “a little bit” bi. Men, don’t feel excluded from this paragraph. Chances are that if you live in a bigger city there’s going to be a number of bi or at least bi-curious men. There’s no need to go “all the way”. There’s a number of sexual activities one can engage in with people from their own sex. Just keep an open mind.
  • Challenge monogamy. Try out consensual non-monogamy. There are several kinds of open relationships, and almost all of them have big communities. There’s swinging, and you can try meeting people via the Lifestyle Lounge, swinger’s parties, and events, or even go on a lifestyle vacation. There are cruises and special couples’ resorts that are worth looking into. And there’s polyamory. If you are interested in being in a relationship with more than one person and always thought you were capable of loving more than one person at the same time, maybe polyamory is for you. Great books on the topic are: Opening-Up by Tristan Taormino, The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton, My Life on the Swingset by Cooper S. Beckett. Or the website and podcast Life on the Swingset. If you are looking for a novel, that is educational and talks about swinging, check out A Life Less Monogamous.
  • Get a sex-positive therapist or counselor. Being able to talk about your sexual self or all the lifestyles that you already participate in, or want to explore, is really important. Make sure that your counselor is understanding and supportive of your growth and development as a sexual being. See this great article from Hedonish.
  • Get a sex-positive health practitioner. Yes, your doctor has to know what you’re up to. You need someone who won’t judge you, will provide understanding and won’t shame you if you’re not monogamous or if you are very sexually active. Hiding information about your sex life might result in inadequate evaluation and medical advice from their side. They need to know what kind of birth control would be a good fit for you, and how often to run STI testing on you. If your current GP or OBGYN doesn’t make you feel comfortable talking about your sex life, that’s a sign you need a new one. Try going to a more progressive LGBTQ clinic or resource center, they’re always very open-minded and helpful.
  • Learn about sexual side effects. If you’re going through a divorce or separation, most likely someone already put you on antidepressants. SSRIs can have a number of sexual side-effects, such as lowered or complete lack of libido. They can even lead to anorgasmia in both men and women! Research what are the common side effects of the drugs you’re taking. And yes, talk to that sex-positive practitioner and ask about the side-effects. Don’t be shy to want your drug changed, or to try lowering your dose. You will need your doctor’s assistance and understanding, and it might take trying out a few different things, but don’t just suck it up and give up on your pleasure. Here’s another awesome article on the topic from Hedonish.

Your life belongs to you and where you’re going to take your body and your mind after the break-up is entirely in your hands (pun intended!). You are allowed to change your mind, and go back and forth on all of these. Your sexual preferences are a living, breathing thing. Just embrace your desires and where your fantasies take you. You can always go back if you want to. Nobody drowned from testing the waters.

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B-Vibe Trio Plug Review

b-Vibe Trio Plug

b-Vibe Trio Plug

I am just gonna say one thing. Three independent, powerful motors. In one butt plug. Yes, I AM serious! Lo and behold: the Trio Plug from b-Vibe. It absolutely blew my mind (and my body).

You already know how much I love the Rimming Plug. It’s a pretty darn delicious thing to have in your bum. So when I saw the b-Vibe stand at yet another sex conference I was attending, and they have already launched their new model, I couldn’t resist the urge to immediately order it. When you have a team of sex educators behind a line of products, you don’t think twice. Even if you already own enough butt plugs for a lifetime. (Or so I thought!)

The Product

I am going to repeat myself while listing the features of this awesome plug, because in that respect, it’s almost identical to the Rimming Plug. It’s made of 100% body-safe non-porous silicone, which is exquisite to touch: velvety, matte and completely seamless. It has almost no drag to it and feels really good against your skin. It’s a rechargeable vibrating plug, which takes up to 2.5 hrs to charge completely in exchange for at least an hour of play (the motors a pretty strong and there’s only so much space for the battery in a small little plug). Of course, if you’re not jamming it up on full speed, it will last longer. You can even plug it in in the USB port, which is a very handy feature these days, with all the USB splitters around us and the constant lookout for a power outlet. The Trio Plug is shower-proof, easy to clean and safe to share with partners, when sanitized. I think this is a pretty important feature for this particular plug, because it’s much smaller than the Rimming Plug, ergo it’s much more beginner’s friendly and non-intimidating in size. What I mean by that is: it might be a good toy for your hubby (or sweetheart, or hook-up, or … you fill in the blanks) to start exploring butt and prostate play. One plug for all works just swell, when your toy is high-quality and won’t transmit or re-introduce infections. Dope!

Let’s talk about noise. It’s nearly silent on its lower settings, especially when inserted. When you get to the strongest vibrations, things get a little louder, but it’s still manageable to cover it up in a louder bar or public space.

The Remote

b-Vibe Trio PlugI can’t emphasize enough that the remote actually works. Not just works, but works within 30 ft! I tried it from the other part of the apartment (two rooms and several walls away), and it does its magic! It’s human-friendly, meaning that the interaction with it doesn’t make you want to scream into a pillow, pairs up immediately, controls the toy with no delay, looks really cool, and has easy to understand buttons. It even has a travel lock (just press the + and the – simultaneously and your toy won’t go off in the middle of your TSA security screening). Not that you need the travel lock that much, given that the plug comes with an awesome travel case, and it’s near to impossible for it to get turned on accidentally. But in case you just threw the toy and the remote in your purse, b-Vibe has your back. And butt for that matter (wink).

You can use the plug even without the remote, but the remote makes it really easy to control the speed/power. To pair the plug with the remote, you just need to press the power button at the bottom of the base. It will start blinking and your remote is connected (you have to first open the remote’s battery compartment and pull out the little protection that the battery has). From this point on you can go at yourself, or even hand the control over to your partner. It’s really convenient that you don’t have to reach back and press anything on the plug in order to change speeds or patterns.

The remote’s made of white plastic and silicone matching the color of your plug. The only difference between the remote of the Rimming plug is that it only has 3 buttons: plus, minus and the pattern, it doesn’t have the one for the rotating beads. So even if you order your Trio in the same color as your Rimming Plug, you’ll still be able to differentiate between the two. For the sake of it, I tried to see if I can use the Rimming Remote on the Trio Plug and vice-versa (at least the options that overlap), and it doesn’t work. Which is cool, because you can actually use both at once, without messing up which controls what. For instance you can have the Rimming Plug in your butt, while your sweetheart is enjoying the Trio, and the signals won’t get confused. Think how cool that is for threesomes, group activities, etc. The more plugs, the merrier. And the more people, the merrier.


The Trio Plug is much smaller than The Rimming Plug (Want to read my review of it? Find it here!). If you are just reading the specifications, you wouldn’t think so, but if you take a look at this image from the b-Vibe website you can clearly see how much slimmer the Trio is. If you want me to toss around numbers: it has an insertable size of 4.3” / 11 cm and is 1.25” / 3 cm wide at its widest. This would place it somewhere between beginner-friendly and intermediate. It starts off really thin, the tip is as big as a finger. You can check this out for an idea: my fingers are very small and slim. It’s so much easier to walk around with, or to sit while wearing it, than with the Rimming Plug. I definitely see this one as a good toy for an outing. The base is smaller than the one of the Rimming plug and gets in the way much less frequently. It makes using it while having intercourse much less of a challenge. If you have a short space between the entrance of your vagina and your anus, try rotating the base sideways, so it’s even more out of the way.

Power and Patterns

Here comes the best part. It has 8 vibration levels and 9 patterns, which are all comprehensively explained in the manual. The patterns are revolutionary: they cascade from motor to motor, pulsate, oscillate… It’s like an amusement park for your bum. It’s just… RAD. I never thought my butt could be further impressed and that I would get to experience anything new and extraordinary at this point in life, but I stand corrected.

Using It 

b-Vibe Trio PlugI never suspected I can cum from a butt toy, especially from a… plug. Without even doing anything, not even thrusting in and out. Just from having the plug in. You simply place it, turn it on, breathe deeply, squeeze your PC muscles, clench and relax, clench and relax. And voila! You just came. Just like that! And if you add some clitoral vibration (the Doxy on your clit makes for a great combo), while having the Trio buzzing joyfully inside of you, that will really rock your world. It’s better than vaginal penetration + clit vibration. It’s a whole new world of orgasms, uncontrollable, unstoppable…

Just keep in mind that while cumming, especially when the plug is well lubed, it might slip out, because of your convulsions while having an orgasm. It’s not that big of a deal, because the plug stays under other circumstances. I personally shoot out everything outside of me, even vaginally, when I cum. That’s how hard I clench, but that’s just me, your body and orgasms could be different.

Unusual Applications

Powerful uncontrollable orgasms? Hence the BDSM possibilities that this plug offers. Not just because it can be operated from distance or by someone else, but because you can use it for forced orgasm.

And last but not least, it’s a pretty decent clit vibe if I have to be honest. The motors are so strong and so pleasant that I had to try the plug against my clit. Using it on the first possible setting, which has only the motor at the tip on, is ideal for pinpointed clit vibrations. And it’s easy to hold, and it’s soooo rumbly! It’s even great as an overall vulva vibe (vulva being the umbrella term for all the external genitalia: the labia minora and majora and the clit, not to be confused with vagina, which is your orifice). Because it has the three independent motors and patterns that wave from one motor to the other, it can give you sensations that don’t really compare to anything else out there. And of course, you can use it as a vag plug, especially if you like (to try) vibration at your vaginal opening. Just have fun and try different things out.

Sigh… I so wish b-Vibe started making vaginal and clitoral toys. But that will defeat their name (b for butt), I know, I know. They should have sister company then! Ha!


Trio comes in the same awesome box and travel case as the Rimming Plug. Only this time the color scheme is different. With the old one we had a sage & black theme: those were the two color options for the plug, while the travel case came only in sage. This time it’s purple & black. The product box is purple, while the travel case is black, even if you get a purple plug.

Where to get it

(Please clear your cookies before clicking on any of my links to retailers. By doing that you are helping me support this blog at no additional cost to you.)

You can order your Trio Plug from Good VibrationsShevibe or Babeland for $140. You can also find it on the official b-Vibe website. Believe me, it’s totally worth it!

Video in which I compare the Rimming Plug and the Trio Plug.

Additional resources: Trio Plug Video

Stay tuned for Part 2 of my review, in which I am going to review the product from a male perspective. So curious to find out how these powerful motors feel on the prostate! And more exciting news from b-Vibe: their Novice Plug is coming soon! Vibrating plugs for all!

Note: This product was not given to me in an exchange of a review. It’s part of my personal collection.

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Keep The Lights ON

Sex with the lights on

Humans are creatures of habit. Most of us don’t even blink about it when it comes to whether or not to keep the lights on during sex and intimate time. Each of us has a go-to behavior and a way of doing it, and most people never even question breaking the routine.

Most surveys and polls do suggest that “lights off” is a common preference not just among Americans, but in the Old Continent as well*. But I find these surveys very limited; they are definitely not representative enough to make much of them.

I am gonna go right to the point: Why is keeping the lights on crucially important for better sex and a more fulfilling sex life?

  1. Self confidence and loving your own body. Seeing our partner value and cherish our body during love-making can help you accept and embrace your beauty. Radical self-love is something we should all practice more often.
  2. Appreciating and knowing your partner’s body. Same goes for your partner: if you’re not used to seeing them in their full true self, how are you going to fully appreciate them? Maybe their calves look really hot is some particular sex position. Maybe their face is so gorgeous while experiencing pleasure. Get to really know them and learn new things about their body.
  3. Receiving feedback. Maintaining full visual contact and not being in the dark will allow you to read the signals and messages their body conveys. Listen to what they have to say, not just to their words. Pay attention to their fingers, their toes, their skin, their gaze. All that can give you a lot of feedback on how you’re doing, whether they like what you’re doing, what feels less enjoyable.
  4. Building intimacy. Nudity is a special form of being vulnerable. Being naked and really looking at each others’ bodies might be intense, even overwhelming at first; it might make you feel too emotional, or too “exposed”. Being together and embracing this kind of awkwardness will bring you and your partner closer and will allow you to develop something deeper.
  5. It’s sexy. Watching yourselves have sex could be really, really hot. Get frisky! You can try doing it in front of a mirror. You can even imagine that the people you’re seeing are complete strangers and you’re sneaking a peek at their sex life. Unleash your voyeuristic self. C’mon. Everybody has a voyeur inside of them!
  6. Makes sleep time and sexy time two different things. You’re going to enjoy sex so much more if you own it. Learn to ask for it, and to know what’s what. Sexy time isn’t sleep time. Have sex because you want to, not because you happen to share the same bed and do it half-assedly before going to sleep. Even if that’s not your intention, keeping sex in the dark could make it come off that way: as if having sex was some kind of compromise, instead of a full-hearted enthusiastic decision. That honors your partner more, but also honors your own needs and desires.
  7. Unshames sex. For most of us, since we were kids, explicitly or implicitly we were taught that sex is shameful and dirty. You do it behind closed doors, you don’t speak of it with others; keep it quiet and keep it in the dark — literally and metaphorically. Repeating these bad habits further consolidates the belief that sex is dirty. Rewire yourself and unlearn these bad associations.

You can try it slowly at first. Use romantic or sensual dimmed lights, candles or anything you and your partner enjoy. Find the lighting that works best for you and fits the kind of sex you are having. Don’t be afraid to ask for “lights on”! Open up the conversation or even share this article with your lover.

* Some surveys on sexual behaviors:

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There’s Nothing Wrong with You if You Need Lube

Sexual Lubricants

When it comes to our bodies and how they work, we want them to always be responding. Whenever we ask them to. And when things don’t go our way, we want quick fixes. And there’s nothing wrong with that. If something can lessen our suffering or frustration, why shouldn’t we take immediate advantage of it? If science has an answer for it, and if we can easily find the solution, we don’t waste a second and get a doctor’s prescription, or drive to the drug store in the middle of the night.

Sexual LubricantsAnd yet when it comes to vaginal lubrication we expect our body to always be good to go. If we’re turned on, we shouldn’t need extra lube. And we take it as a personal failure if that’s not sufficient. The “we” in the last sentence being ALL of us. We, women, because we’ll blame ourselves and assume that it’s our fault, and that there’s something wrong with us. But men as well, because they tend to think they’re doing something wrong, and that they’re not good enough if we’re not an everlasting spring. There’s so much shame around using extra lube and not being moist enough. Yet there’s no shame if our eyes don’t produce enough lubrication and we use some Visine instead. We wouldn’t go: “Oh, her eyes are so dry when she’s with me, why am I not sufficient enough for her, why does she need to use any eye drops”.

A lot of things can affect a woman’s vaginal moist, and it doesn’t only happen to menopausal women. What can be causing your vaginal dryness?

  1. The pill and other hormonal contraception. If you are on any form of hormonal birth control (the pill, shots, the implant, hormonal IUDs) that’s going to change the thickness of your cervical mucus and could cause vaginal dryness. Given that a lot of women start taking the pill even before losing their virginity, for a number of girls dryness is status quo.
  2. Your menstrual cycle. Your body’s ability to self-lubricate changes throughout your monthly period. You are probably going to be very dry during your period and the days leading to it. If you’re using tampons, that’s going to additionally make you sore to the extent that intercourse can be quite painful a couple of days after you’ve had your period.
  3. Being dehydrated overall. Not drinking enough water throughout the day is bad enough as it is, but is a borderline health hazard during sex when you’re going to get aroused, sweat, and even get a fair amount of exercise. Pro tip: drinking plenty of water is really important for oral and anal sex as well; in general, keep a bottle or glass next to your bed.
  4. Alcohol, cigarettes, or just having smoked some pot. All these substances can make you very dry. While the effect of cigarettes come with longer term use, alcohol and weed can make you dry right away.
  5. Lack of sleep, fatigue, stress. Have you noticed how tired and terrible your skin looks like when you’ve under-slept or stressed? Lack of rest and time for regeneration affect your private tissues as well.
  6. Douching. Vaginal douching is not only causing you dryness, but also disbalancing your flora (the good bacteria and microorganisms that keep your vagina healthy and prevent infections), and your pH.
  7. Allergy and some cold meds. One of the side-effects of antihistamines is that they can cause intimate dehydration. The effect is temporary and only lasts while you’re on the drugs.
  8. Childbirth and nursing. Your postpartum body is going to lack the progesterone and estrogen needed to produce lubrication and your hormonal levels are going to remain low while you’re breastfeeding.
  9. Menopause. The post menopausal body isn’t producing enough estrogen either and the elasticity of the vaginal walls is decaying as well.
  10. Lack of or too little foreplay. Not giving your body enough time to get aroused and skipping foreplay can make sex so much less enjoyable, and even painful.
  11. Bad over-the-counter lubricants. The most popular lube brands, and the ones you can find in the any drugstore or grocery store, usually contain glycerin and propylene glycol. These ingredients are really heavy and bad for your body. They will make things slippery during use, but what they actually do is they deplete your cells’ own water supplies and leave them really dry and prone to tears.


Sexual Lubricants

Just Add Lube!

Whether you’re 21 or 51 there’s nothing wrong in “fixing” what’s temporarily or more permanently not “working”. Using a sexual lubricant makes sex tenfold more enjoyable. It decreases the risk of damaging the gentle mucous membrane of your vagina or your penis, and helps prevent friction burn and discomfort. It also reduces the risk of STI transmission: both because micro tears on your tissue make you more susceptible, and because the lack of proper lubrication highly increases the risk of condom breakage and failure.

So do your sex life a favor, and get your essentials from a sex-positive store nearby or online. Always keep a bottle of lube on your nightstand and a little sample in your purse.

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How to Have Kinky Sex on The Road

In case you missed my bragging about it, I spent the best part of my summer at Sex Geek Summer Camp with Reid Mihalko and a whole bunch of amazing Sex Geeks.

What made camp such an unforgettable experience for me was having the opportunity to work and exchange ideas with other inspiring sex educators, coaches and counselors. Here is the love-child of one of these interactions. When I heard that Kat Nantz (Sexual Empowerment Coach from Guelph, Ontario) had spent 6 months in a camper, crossing the United States with her boyfriend, and that they didn’t have to sacrifice their hot and kinky sex life, I had to hear more about it.

Find out how to make your own solar panel and plug in your Hitachi Magic Wand or recharge your toys on the go, how to do bondage and enjoy rope play even if you are confined to a small RV. Learn why taking Uberlube with you is a must, how to practice safer sex, how to have your toys clean and sterile, how to know your STI status even if you’re thousands of miles away from your health provider, and more in this fun and candid video.


And if you have SEX GEEK t-shirt envy, just get over with it and order yours already.

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Sex Life After Divorce

Intimacy and sex after divorce

Even though this article is called “sex life after divorce”, all of the ideas in it are applicable after separation, and after a break-up from a long-lasting relationship.

Maybe your divorce went well and it didn’t scar you deeply. Maybe it didn’t leave you devastated, bitter, or disappointed in humankind, and especially in the opposite (or the same) sex. Congratulations! You are one of the few. But even if things went relatively smoothly, there are many ways in which long relationships alter our personality, and make us fall into bad, unproductive patterns. That’s even more true when it comes to sex.

Here are some tips on how to get your sex life back on track

  • Be open to life again. Allow yourself to have fun again. Don’t hold grudges. Don’t waste your energy on anger and hatred. Just move on. Believe that life can be fun. Because it is. Life is full of wonderful gifts you just need to reach out for. You ended and got out of a relationship that was clearly not working. You still have the rest of your life to enjoy sex and enjoy yourself.
  • Start from the scratch, unlearn bad habits. Question everything! Whatever beliefs you have built around sex and pleasure, maybe it’s time to question them now. Sex is different for everybody and with any new partner. You might’ve been exposed to sex only lasting 5 minutes in the past 10 years. You might’ve not been able to achieve orgasm at all. You might’ve had problems staying hard. You might’ve been used to your partner constantly rejecting you sexually. You might’ve thought that you’re not desirable. You might’ve thought that you’re not interested in sex anymore. Whatever it is that you were used to: it was just a temporary state of affairs. You don’t have to carry these beliefs for the rest of your life. Sex and relationships can be different and so much better than you could imagine. Maybe you don’t even remember what it feels like to get aroused and want somebody. That doesn’t mean you’re incapable of it. You just went through a long period of not having it.
  • Get tested. Make sure you’re literally not carrying something from your past. Check your HIV, Hep B and C, HSV 1 and 2, Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, Trichomoniasis, HPV, and syphilis status. Even if you don’t have any symptoms, a lot of STIs can remain unnoticed and not express themselves for a really long time. For some of these STIs you can get tested even at the privacy of your own bedroom.
  • Get used to using condoms again. You might’ve not seen or touched one in decades. Condoms evolved a lot. See what’s new on the market, try out new brands. Good places to start are: Glyde condoms, ONE condoms, or even the new Lelo Hex. Make sure you are properly fitted. If a condom is too loose or too tight, it might slip out or break. If you have a penis, try masturbating with a condom on. This way it won’t feel weird when you actually get to have sex with one. You’re most probably not going to lose your erection if you’re accustomed to putting on a condom. If you have a vagina, have you tried an internal condom? For both vagina and penis owners – practice putting a condom on. It’s a skill. You don’t wanna get all nervous in the middle of your first post-divorce date!
  • Don’t overlook masturbation. Solo sex is sex and at the end of the day, orgasms count. You need those endorphins and oxytocin. Even if you think that partnered sex is the last thing you need right now, you can still have fun with yourself. You probably didn’t have enough privacy or time to get it going with yourself while you were married or in a relationship. Maybe you were even afraid to masturbate, because you thought that would upset your partner. Maybe you were afraid that you would get caught. Now is the time to pay your tribute to the temple that is your body. Keep the habit of masturbating even when you start dating and are in your next relationship. Pleasuring yourself doesn’t take anything away from your sex life. If you jerk off or if you touch yourself, that doesn’t mean that you are not going to want to have sex anymore that same day or in the next few days. On the contrary, the more you do it, the more you enjoy sex, the more you want it, and the more you know what feels good.
  • Make time for solo sex. Having your way with yourself takes a little more than good intentions. You have to make time for dates with yourself. Take the night for yourself, put it in the calendar, set the atmosphere. Unless you schedule it, life will get in the way and you will end up doing some chores, procrastinating on the web, or catching up with work. Take time for pleasuring yourself seriously.
  • Buy a ton of lube. Okay, a ton might’ve been an exaggeration. Get a good sized bottle of lube for your bedroom, and a smaller one for your purse or for travel. Put a few little lube samples or squares in your wallet or pocket, alongside your condoms. If you’ve never used lube before, now is the time to change this. Lube is the best friend of pleasure. It’s almost impossible to have enjoyable sex, solo or partnered, without a good amount of lubrication. No, your own lubrication is not enough, especially with condoms. Dry sex can be very painful or cause a lot of friction burn, and leave you incapable of having any for days. Not to mention that the lack of enough lubricant is the most common cause of condom breakage.
  • Pamper yourself. Go to the salon and the spa. Women: get new sexy lingerie, guys: simply buy a few pairs of new underwear. Don’t go out in your old worn out boxers or undies. Don’t wear your old sweatpants at home. Change your wardrobe. Pick up working out again. Start grooming – even if you don’t have a partner at the moment. Looking good will make you feel good about yourself. You will feel datable and desirable again.
  • Set up a dating profile. Or register at a hook-up site. Make sure to find the right website for you, so you don’t feel there’s nobody out there. For example some websites are predominately white and straight and are not very culturally diverse. If that’s what you’re looking for, great, but if it’s not – don’t lose hope, there are other options. Ask yourself what you want to get out of dating? Are you looking for a hook-up, something casual, or are you dating to find a long-lasting commitment? What are your needs, and what are you capable of giving? How much time are you willing to invest in dating, and how soon do you think you would like to start a new relationship? These are all great questions to start with. Take time to reflect upon your expectations and boundaries, in order to save yourself future disappointments or just wasting your time. Here are some examples of the most visited online dating services.
  • Allow yourself to play the field. It’s okay if you want to steer clear of commitments in the foreseeable future! There’s nothing healthy about bouncing from one relationship to the next. So don’t beat yourself for not wanting anything serious for a while.
  • Get comfortable with yourself. Enjoy not being married or in a relationship. Do all the things you’ve always wanted to do, but your ex-partner was against. Invest in yourself: personal development and growth are gonna bring you a lot of gratification and a sense of accomplishment. Start small and don’t set yourself for failure. Start a salsa class, or go on a trip.

Parenting and sex after divorce

  • Get a reliable baby-sitter. It’s pretty self-explanatory.
  • Meet other parents, make new friends. You need people who haven’t already been exposed to all the divorce drama, or been poisoned by your ex spouse. Other divorced parents are going to be your biggest ally when it comes to covering up for you, play-dates and sleepovers for the kids, and taking turns in child-sitting. As you will pretty soon see, you can’t only rely on baby-sitters.
  • Start using Google Calendar. Or any planner that can be used under different platforms: have your schedule on the go, not only on your computer, but in your smart phone and all of your devices. Time management around dating and parenting can become challenging. Make most of your free time without stressing out too much. Going out should be fun and should come guilt-free. You deserve it and you’re not a horrible parent if you have a personal life. A happier you makes for a happier kid!
  • Don’t stay home when the kiddos are not around. It will be very, very tempting to just stay in your PJ’s binge-watch Netflix and gobble all the unhealthy food you got at the convenience store. You might start having lots of unhealthy habits while your child(ren) are with their other parent. It’s understandable, everyone gets tired of being perfect, of being a role model. Don’t fall into this trap. It will be very strange at first and you will feel empty and lonely, when you’re home alone. Make sure to make plans, waaay in advance, for almost all of your free nights. It can be simply going out with friends for happy hour, or seeing a concert, but commit to something you can’t easily get out of or cancel. Otherwise the bucket of ice-cream and the couch will win. It will only make you spiral down, and will create a false feeling that life is only joyful when the kids are around because all of your gratification will be from them. This will put you off dating even more, because you will start feeling conflicted for “jeopardizing” your relationship with your kids over “some dude/chick”. Staying home is a trap!

And at the end of the day don’t forget to pat yourself on the back, because you are a freaking super-hero for bouncing back from your divorce. Even if you take just one or two of these suggestions, you’re already taking steps in the right direction. Give yourself credit for it and make sure to celebrate even the smallest victories.

Ready to step it up a notch? Read Part 2 of this article!

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Wetlandia’s very first blog post

njoy toys

njoy pure plug large, njoy pure wand and njoy fun wand, all enjoying the company of a beautiful blossoming orchid

Why did I decide to start a sex and human sexuality blog? It’s so, so simple. Because I really like sex. Nope. I actually deeply and profoundly love sex. I think it’s (or at least it should be!) one of the most beautiful, sacred, and transcendent experiences one can have in their lives.

I am sick of seeing sex dragged into the mud, frowned upon, denied and taken away from people. I am angry about having to apologize, having to be polite and “civilized”, having to censor myself. I am so tired of not being able to talk about sex. As freely, as often, as openly, as frankly, and as graphically as I wish.

I want to normalize sex. Because sex is normal and natural. And if people read more about it, if they saw it in its every-day glory, in its simple human side, maybe they wouldn’t beat themselves up for having certain thoughts or desires, or point a finger at one another, or bottle it up deep into their minds and souls.

I believe that everyone deserves pleasure and that we all have the human right of sexual health. But with it comes huge responsibility. Throughout life no one teaches us how to experience, ask for, or give pleasure. In fact what we learn is that pleasure is dirty and shameful, that our desires are wrong.

We all need allies and friends in the quest for better sex. We don’t just need resources or education. We need understanding, we need to remind ourselves that we’re not alone. We need to know that others make mistakes too, that others aren’t perfect. And just like you, I’ve succeeded but also failed a good number of times.

Why Wetlandia? I can’t quite remember how I came up with it. I knew I wanted a catchy and easy to remember name for my website, suggestive, but not too explicit. Enough to kindle one’s imagination, but leave it ambiguous enough that the thought of being caught at work reading it wouldn’t scare people away. Maybe it’s some reference to Alice in Wonderland. Maybe at the time I was reading about the striking wetlands of Pantanal in Brazil. But what made me choose it and stick with it was when I shared the name with my partner and asked him for some thoughts and feedback. His reaction was “well, it makes me thing of wet pu**ies”. And I said to myself – yes, that’s exactly what the world needs, that’s exactly what women (and men for that matter) deserve – more wet pu**sies. Wetter pu**ies.

Fast forward several months, and here we are today: after I’ve dealt (barely) with my inner demons, impostor syndrome, and the “who’s EVER gonna read my blog” crisis, writing my first blog post, having a website and getting sh*t done.

Let the journey begin…

(By the way, dealing with my demons took 4 months, creating the website, a logo, social media channels and all that took a week. Talk about your fears being your worst enemy.)

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